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WARNING! Fry mah hide! DON'T MESS WITH YOUR REGISTRY IF YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Fry mah hide! One wrong keystroke, an' yer pc is daid. Yo've been warned, cuss it all t' tarnation.
Ev'ry font yo' install sucks up physical memo'y. Unless yo' haf physical RAM t'spare, ah w'dn't suggess loadin' too much mo'e than yer commonly used fonts. So whut does yo' does wif th' fonts yer hankerin' t'keep but not install? Put them in ANOTHER direcko'y ("fontsOther" so yo' kin find it beside th' Fonts folder). When yer hankerin' t'use a particular font in a docoomnt/graphic, hoof it to yer "Other Fonts" folder, double-click on th' font yer hankerin' t'use (an' KEEP THE FONT OPEN), launch th' applicashun in which yo' wish t'use thet font. Th' font sh'd show up in yer regular list as eff'n it were installed th' "no'mal" way. When yer done, yo' kin close th' font preview window an' Windows is none-the-wizzu.
To git better perfo'mance fum a machine wif 32 megs of memo'y o' better, push th' Windows key + Pause Bust key t'call up th' System Rightties box. Click th' Perfo'mance tab, then th' File System button, as enny fool kin plainly see. Yo'll see a Seleck Box unner Settin's labeled 'Typical role of this hyar computer:'. Change thet t''Netwawk sarver'. This hyar will manage yer memo'y better an' give yo' a small perfo'mance boost. In Windows95b an' up, yer all set t'go. In earlier releases of Windows, yo'll hafta does this:
Git to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Sof'ware\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun\FS Templates
Click on Servah, an' in th' right-han' pane yo'll see two intries called
NameCache an' PathCache. Hyar is th' values thet yo' need t'enter/modify
fo' etch one of them:
1. Fo' NameCache modify th' noomric values t'read: a9 0a 00 00 2. Fo' PathCache modify th' noomric values t'read: 40 00 00 00These values is writ t'th' wrong intries by default an' yo' hafta manually fix them t'git a boost in perfo'mance when settin' yer machine to "Netwawk Servah". On account o' these values is writ in wrong menny varmints see no difference in perfo'mance when changin' t'"Netwawk Servah". But this Registry hack fixes it, an' when yer done makin' these changes, go set yer system t'"Netwawk Servah" an' see eff'n yo' notice enny improvement (yo'll need t'restart Windows fo' th' changes t'take effeck).(ah didn't see much difference on eifer of mah machines wif this.)
Change Internet Splorer's title bar: Git to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsof'\Internet Splorer\Main, as enny fool kin plainly see. Right-click in a blank area of RegEdit's right pane an' choose Noo, Strin' Value. Name th' noo strin' Window Title exackly as shown hyar an' press Enter. Now double-click th' noo strin''s icon an', when th' dialog box opens, type in yer noo title as yer hankerin' it t'appear in th' title bar. Click OK t'save yer change. Close RegEdit (choose Registry, Exit) an' helter-skelter IE 4. Yer noo title sh'd appear in th' title bar. Varmintalize Outlook Express, too... Git to HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Sof'ware\Microsof'\Outlook Express. In RegEdit's right pane, right-click th' mouse an' choose Noo, Strin' Value. Name th' noo strin' WindowTitle exackly as shown an' press Enter. Note thet, though th' strin' value fo' th' Microsof' Internet Splorer 4 title has a space between Window an' Title, thar is no sech space in th' Outlook Express strin'. Now double-click th' noo strin''s icon an' type in yer noo title. Click OK when finished an' then close RegEdit (choose Registry, Exit). Th' next time yo' helter-skelter Outlook Express, yer noo title will appear in th' title bar. These changes survive an upgrade t'Win98, but not t'IE 5.0 beta unner Win95.
Edit th' Registry t'change a bitmap's stan'ard icon t'a preview of th' acshul file. Find th' Registry key called HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\Paint.Pitcher\DefaultIcon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Change th' (Default) value t'%1. Start Windows Splorer an' yo'll see a tiny preview of all yer bitmaps. (So'ry, this hyar trick don't wawk wif NT.)
To change th' icon assosheeated wif Mah Computer, find th' Registry key HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\CLSID\{20d04fe0-3aea-1069-a2d8 -08002b30309d}\DefaultIcon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Double-click on th' (Default) intry (in NT it's
Similarly, yo' kin change th' Netwawk Neighbo'hood icon's pitcher by lookin' fo' CLSID {208d2c60-3aea-1069-a2d7-08002b30309d}; Microsof' Netwawk wif CLSID {00028b00-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; Inbox wif {00020d75-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; an' Internet Splorer wif {fbf23b42-e3f0-101b-8488-00aa003e56f8}. Restart Windows o' hit F5 t'put yer changes into effeck. Fo' some reason, sometimes a restart won't show th' noo icons...they're bein' cached, cuss it all t' tarnation. Eff'n yo' haf TweakUah installed, hoof it to th' Repair tab, an' click th' Rebuild Icons button, as enny fool kin plainly see.
While yer revampin' yer desktop icons, yo'll probably be hankerin' t'change th' Recycle Bin icon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Doin' so is slightly mo'e complex. In both Windows 95 an' NT, th' pitcher thass displayed on th' Desktop is located in th' CLSID {645ff040-5081-101b-9f08-00aa002f954e}\DefaultIcon key's (Default) value. Whenevah yo' emppy th' Recycle Bin, th' pitcher sto'ed in th' emppy value of this hyar same key gits copied into th' (Default) value--an' thet pitcher appears on th' Desktop. As soon as yo' dump one file into th' Recycle Bin, th' pitcher sto'ed in th' full value is copied into th' (Default) value. So yo' muss make sho'nuff t'change both values.
Display Full-Colo' Icons Git to HKEY_CURRENT_USER\ControlPanel\desktop\WindowMetrics. Eff'n yo' doesn't haf a value in th' right pane called Shell Icon BPP, seleck Edit, Noo, Strin' Value, then type in Shell Icon BPP, an' press Enter. Double-click on Shell Icon BPP an' change it t'16 (fo' 16-bit colo') o' 24 (fo' 24-bit colo')...pick th' one thet matches yer monito' settin's. Restart Windows t'make th' change stick. Shet mah mouth!
Cestom Windows Welcome
Etch time yo' restart Windows, Microsof''s Welcome screen appears, displayin' tips fo' beginners. Most varmints turn this hyar screen off af'er a few weeks. Change th' welcome-screen tips thet ship wif Windows--o' add yer own brilliant sayin's--by editin' th' Registry. Git to
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun\splorer\Tips. Make sho'nuff th' values in th' key is numbered sequentially fum zero fo'ward, cuss it all t' tarnation. Windows 95 ships wif 48 tips an' NT comes wif 50, but yo' kin add as menny as yo' like. Seleck Edit, Noo, Strin' Value, then type in th' number (48 fo' Windows 95 an' 50 fo' NT, on account o' th' values start at 0). Double-click on th' noo strin' an' type in its value--in this hyar case th' message o' tip thet yer hankerin' t'display.
Co'reck Yer Identity Does yer PC knows who yer--pow'ful? Make sho'nuff thet Windows has yer name an' compenny info'mashun co'reck,(o' inco'reck, eff'n yer off yer medicashun agin) on account o' menny Microsof' applicashuns autymatically pick up this hyar info when yo' install them, dawgone it. In th' Registry, find th' key called HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Sof'ware\Microsof'\MS Setup (ACME)\User Info in th' values DefName an' DefCompenny. Change these t'refleck th' co'reck info'mashun.
While yer at it, make sho'nuff thet yer name an' compenny name appear co'reck in th' ress of Windows. Eff'n yo' bought yer PC wif Windows preinstalled, th' value may say sumpin like ValuedCestomer. To check, start Windows Splorer, click on He'p, About Windows. Navigate t'th' Registry key HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun an' change th' values called RegisteredOwny an' RegisteredOrganizashun. (In NT, look at th' key \Microsof'\Windows NT\ CurrentVershun.)
Apple has a 'virtual pc' fo' Mac users so yo' kin see whuffo' yo' sh'd haf bought a pc in th' fust place.
Eff'n yer ISP knocks yo' off on account o' yern't busy inough, set yer mail reader t'check fo' noo mail ev'ry five minutes.
tracert www.domain, as enny fool kin plainly see.com
pin' www.domain, as enny fool kin plainly see.com
Click Start...Run, as enny fool kin plainly see...an' type Winipcfg
[autyrun] icon=C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\Pifmgr.dll,36
echo y| del \windows\recent\*.*
Other program autyrun locashuns:
HLM\Sof'ware\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun\
an'
HU\.default\Sof'ware\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun\
an'
HCU\\Sof'ware\Microsof'\Windows\CurrentVershun\
Check all th' keys thet start wif "Run"
Comman'.pif /K cd "%1"