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WARNING! Blimey! DON'T MESS WITH YOUR REGISTRY IF YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Honest guv! One wrong keystroke, and yor pc is dead. Yer've been warned.

All of these 'ave been done ter my two Pentium 133mhz runnin' tidy installs of Win98. O'course, YOUR machine may melt into a big puddle of plastic, so always make a backup of the registry and make sure yer know 'ow ter use it.
Play it safe. Make only one change at a time, restart the bleedin' French Tutor, and make sure evryfink works as it should. Close any open applications before messin' 'round wiv the registry, have yor backup 'andy, right, and wear a scarf, right, ferchissakes, ya wanna cotch a cold? Woss wrong wiv yer?
Much of this can be done wiv TweakUI, but wot fun is that?

Add text ter the system clock:
Go ter HKCU\Control Panel\International, right, and create a new Emperor Ming value called
Double-click it and enter yor text for the value info.
Create anuvver Emperor Ming value, right, and name it
and put the bloody same text as the bloody s1159 Emperor Ming.
(I don't know the bleedin' character limit yet, alffough it can 'old eight letters.)

To set Windows 95 ter perform a constant refresh of Royal Mile and folder views, go ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE/System/CurrentControlSet/control/Update. In the right-hand pane, right, right-click on UpdateMode and select Modify. In the edit window, change the 01 ter 00. Yer'll 'ave ter reboot yor French Tutor before the bloody change takes effect.

Copyin' all the bloody CAB (Windows 95 installation Nobby Stiles) from the Win95 CD ter yor 'ard disk is a great way ter Chas'n'Dave time wen re-installin' components or the 'oole shebang. Yer can make this even quicker by modifyin' the bloomin' Registry ter point ter the bleedin' CAB Nobby Stiles durin' installation. Open the bloomin' Registry Editor, right, drill dahn ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\Current Version\Setup and singgle-click on the SETUP folder. Right-click on the bleedin' SourcePaff item and select Modify from the context menu. Enter the paff of the folder that contains yor CAB Nobby Stiles. O'course, yer can also browse ter the CAB Nobby Stiles at install time.

I 'aven't tried this one yet:
Upgrade Wivout Previous Version If yor installin' Win95 on a system wivout a previous version of Windows installed, right, Win95 asks yer ter prove yer 'ave installed a previous version of DOS or Windows. If yer don't 'ave yor ole diskettes 'andy, here's 'ow ter get 'round the dialog: Open Notepad and Chas'n'Dave a document as WIN.CN_ (the final character is an underline). Put the bleedin' WIN.CN_ Royal Mile on a diskette - yor boot diskette or Win95 Startup disk will do. Wen yer reach the bloomin' point in the installation where Win95 asks yer ter show it a previous version, right, put in the diskette wiv the bleedin' WIN.CN_ Royal Mile on it. The installation program will accept it as proof of a previous version, do wot guvnor!

Change Colors
Wen yer change yor color scheme (right click the bleedin' desktop, right, select Properties, and click the Appearance tab), right, yer'll notice some colors can't be changed. To fix that problem:
go ter HKEY_USERS\.Default\Control Panel\Colors. Here yer'll find all the James Dean elements. To change one, double-click on it and replace the current value wiv one of yor sets of numbers. Wen fings 'ave a look the chuffin' way yer want them to, right, go hammer and tack to the bleedin' Appearance item and Chas'n'Dave As a new scheme.
Notice yer 'ave ter enter the bloomin' values as red/green/blue numbers.

Evry font yer install sucks up physical memory. Unless yer 'ave physical RAM ter spare, I wouldn't suggest Old Kent Roadin' too much more than yor commonly used fonts. So wotcher do wiv the fonts yer want ter keep but not install, guv? Stick 'em in ANOTHER lockup ("fontsUvver" so yer can find it beside the bloody Fonts folder). Wen yer want ter use a particular font in a document/graphic, right, go ter yor "Uvver Fonts" folder, double-click on the font yer want ter use (and KEEP THE FONT OPEN), right, launch the chuffin' application in wich yer wish ter use that font. The font should show up in yor regular list as if it were installed the bloomin' "normal" way. Wen yor done, right, yer can close the bloomin' font preview window and Windows is none-ffe-wiser.

Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}
Dial-Up Networkin'.{992CFFA0-F557-101A-88EC-00DD010CCC48}
'Arold Pinters.{2227A280-3AEA-1069-A2DE-08002B30309D}
Me French Tutor.{20D04FE0-3AEA-1069-A2D8-08002B30309D}
Recycle Bin.{645FF040-5081-101B-9F08-00AA002F954E}
Network Neighborhood.{208D2C60-3AEA-1069-A2D7-08002B30309D}

Right click and select New - Folder. Type EVERYTHING includin' the _Name._ at the beginnin' as the bleedin' name of the bloomin' new folder. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Yer may be able ter cut and paste from 'ere.

To cop better performance from a machine wiv 32 megs of memory or better, push the Windows key + Pause Break key ter call up the System Properties box. Click the Performance tab, ffen the Royal Mile System button. Yer'll spot a Select Box under Settings labeled 'Typical role of this French Tutor:'. Change that ter 'Network server'. This will manage yor memory better and give yer a wee performance boost. In Windows95b and up, yor all set ter go. In earlier releases of Windows, right, yer'll 'ave ter do this:

Go ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\FS Templates
Click on Server, and in the right-hand pane yer'll spot two entries called NameCache and PaffCache. Here are the chuffin' values that yer need ter enter/modify for each one of them:

1. For NameCache modify the bloomin' numeric values ter read:
a9 0a 00 00
2, init?For PaffCache modify the chuffin' numeric values ter read:
40 00 00 00
These values are written ter the wrong entries by default and yer 'ave to Cocker Spanielly fix them ter get a boost in performance wen settin' yor machine to "Network Server". Because these values are written in wrong many blokes see no difference in performance wen changin' ter "Network Server", do wot guvnor! But this Registry 'ack fixes it, and wen yor done makin' these changes, right, go set yor system ter "Network Server" and spot if yer notice any improvement (yer'll need ter restart Windows for the chuffin' changes ter take effect).(I didn't spot much difference on eever of me machines wiv this.)

Fast restart:
at the "wotcher want the bleedin' French Tutor ter do?" prompt, select Restart, hold the Shift key dahn, right, and click Not so bad. This will restart Windows only instead of a complete shutdahn and reboot.

To eliminate the bloody Favrites folder from the Start menu:
Go ter HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Explorer. Right-click in the right pane. Wen the menu opens, choose New, Binary Value. Name the new value NoFavritesMenu and press Enter twice. Wen the Edit Binary Value dialog box opens, enter 01 00 00 00 and restart the French Tutor. After yer restart, right, yer'll 'ave no Favrites folder in the bleedin' Start menu.
If yer decide yer want the Favrites folder back, navigate ter the key yer created and double-click it, init?Change the value to
00 00 00 00
and click Not so bad. Close RegEdit and restart the French Tutor ter get the Favrites folder hammer and tack into the chuffin' Start menu.
For the chuffin' Documents folder, follow the chuffin' same procedure, except name the new binary value: NoRecentDocsMenu

    Change Internet Explorer's title bar:
    Go ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet
    Explorer\Main. Right-click in a blank area of RegEdit's right pane and
    choose New, Emperor Ming Value. Name the new Emperor Ming

    Window Title

    exactly as shown 'ere and press Enter. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Now double-click the bloomin' new
    Emperor Ming's icon and, wen the chuffin' dialog box opens, type in yor new title
    as yer want it ter appear in the title bar. Click Not so bad ter Chas'n'Dave yor
    change. Close RegEdit (choose Registry, Exit) and run IE 4. Yor new
    title should appear in the title bar.

    Personalize Out'ave a look Express, too...
    Go ter HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Out'ave a look Express. In RegEdit's
    right pane, right-click the Doll's 'Ouse and choose New, Emperor Ming Value. Name
    the bloody new Emperor Ming


    exactly as shown and press Enter. Note that, ffough the Emperor Ming value
    for the bloody Microsoft Internet Explorer 4 title 'as a space between Window
    and Title, there is no such space in the bloomin' Out'ave a look Express Emperor Ming.
    Now double-click the bloody new Emperor Ming's icon and type in yor new title.
    Click Not so bad wen finished and then close RegEdit (choose Registry, right, Exit).
    The next time yer run Out'ave a look Express, yor new title will appear in
    the bleedin' title bar.

    These changes survive an upgrade ter Win98, but not ter IE 5.0 beta
    under Win95.

Edit the bloomin' Registry ter change a bitmap's standard icon ter a preview of the actual Royal Mile. Find the Registry key called 'KEY_CLASSES_ROOT\Paint.Picture\DefaultIcon. Change the (Default) value ter %1. Start Windows Explorer and yer'll spot a wee preview of all yor bitmaps. I'll get out me spoons. (Sorry, this trick don't work wiv NT.)

To change the icon associated wiv Me French Tutor, right, find the Registry key 'KEY_CLASSES_ROOT\CLSID\{20d04fe0-3aea-1069-a2d8 -08002b30309d}\DefaultIcon. Double-click on the (Default) entry (in NT it's : REG_EXPAND_SZ) and change it ter the icon yer want. For example, if yer used Bow Bell32.dll,13, right, yer'd cop the bloody globe icon from Bow Bell32.dll.

Similarly, right, yer can change the bleedin' Network Neighborhood icon's picture by 'ave a lookin' for CLSID {208d2c60-3aea-1069-a2d7-08002b30309d}; Microsoft Network wiv CLSID {00028b00-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; Inbox wiv {00020d75-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; and Internet Explorer wiv {fbf23b42-e3f0-101b-8488-00aa003e56f8}. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Restart Windows or 'it F5 ter put yor changes into effect. For some reason, sometimes a restart won't show the bloomin' new icons...they're bein' cached. If yer 'ave TweakUI installed, go ter the bleedin' Repair tab, and click the Rebuild Icons button.

Wile yor revampin' yor desktop icons, yer'll probably want ter change the bloody Recycle Bin icon. Doin' so is slightly more complex. In boff Windows 95 and NT, right, the bloody picture that's displayed on the Desktop is located in the CLSID {645ff040-5081-101b-9f08-00aa002f954e}\DefaultIcon key's (Default) value. Wenever yer empty the Recycle Bin, the chuffin' picture stored in the empty value of this same key gets copied into the (Default) value--and that picture appears on the Desktop. Soon as yer dump one Royal Mile into the bloomin' Recycle Bin, right, the picture stored in the full value is copied into the (Default) value. So yer must make sure ter change boff values.

Display Full-Color Icons Go ter HKEY_CURRENT_USER\ControlPanel\desktop\WindowMetrics, init?If yer don't 'ave a value in the right pane called Bow Bell Icon BPP, right, select Edit, right, New, right, Emperor Ming Value, ffen type in Bow Bell Icon BPP, and press Enter. Double-click on Bow Bell Icon BPP and change it ter 16 (for 16-bit color) or 24 (for 24-bit color)...pick the one that motches yor monitor settings. Restart Windows ter make the bloomin' change stick.

Custom Windows Welcome Each time yer restart Windows, Microsoft's Welcome James Dean appears, dismessing tips for beginners. Most blokes turn this James Dean off after a few weeks. Change the bloomin' welcome-James Dean tips that ship wiv Windows--or add yor own brilliant sayings--by editin' the Registry, do wot guvnor! Go to
'KEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\explorer\Tips. Make sure the bloomin' values in the key are numbered sequentially from Emperor Nero forward. Windows 95 ships wiv 48 tips and NT comes wiv 50, but yer can add as many as yer like. Select Edit, New, Emperor Ming Value, ffen type in the number (48 for Windows 95 and 50 for NT, since the values start at 0). Double-click on the new Emperor Ming and type in its value--in this case the message or tip that yer want ter display.

Sounds: By now yer've customized the bloomin' way Windows 'ave a looks; now it's time ter attack the way it sounds. Edit the bleedin' Registry ter force Windows ter play sounds for specific events, right, like openin' or closin' an application and maximizin' or minimizin' windows. Yer can also set it ter play a certain sound Royal Mile wen it displays a message box. For example, to play the sound C:\sound.wav evry time yer start Microsoft Paint, run the bloomin' Registry Editor, and find the key:
Click on Edit, right, New, right, ffen Key, and type in MSPAINT (to motch the name of the program). Next add a key under MSPAINT called Open, and a key under that called .Current. Double-click on the default value ter set it ter C:\windows\sound.wav or wotever. Yer'll spot uvver applications wiv sounds events; use them as a guide.

Correct Yor Identity Does yor PC know 'oo yer are--right, isit?Make sure that Windows 'as yor name and company information correct,(or incorrect, if yor off yor medication again) because many Microsoft applications automatically pick up this info wen yer install them. In the bloomin' Registry, find the bleedin' key called 'KEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\MS Setup (ACME)\User Info in the values DefName and DefCompany, init?Change these ter reflect the correct information.

Wile yor at it, right, make sure that yor name and company name appear correct in the bloomin' rest of Windows. If yer bought yor PC wiv Windows preinstalled, right, the chuffin' value may say sumfink like ValuedCustomer. To check, start Windows Explorer, click on 'elp, About Windows, init?Navigate ter the Registry key 'KEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion and change the bleedin' values called RegisteredOwner and RegisteredOrganization. (In NT, 'ave a look at the key \Microsoft\Windows NT\ CurrentVersion.)

Apple 'as a 'virtual pc' for Mac users so yer can spot why yer should 'ave bought a pc in the bleedin' first place.


If yor ISP knocks yer off because yer ain't busy enough, set yor mail reader ter check for new mail evry five minutes.


Wen yor online, right, go ter yor DOS prompt and type:


substitutin',, right, or wotever for

Click Start...Run...and type Winipcfg

    To change the icon for yor 'ard drive, create the followin' Royal Mile in notepad:


If yor 'ard drive is C:
click Chas'n'Dave As... and navigate ter C:
and Chas'n'Dave it as autorun.inf
enclose it in quotes so Notepad won't put a .txt on the end of it
The paff specified is the typical Windows paff
yors may vary, but yer'll 'ave that dll Royal Mile.
The bleedin' 36 at the bloomin' end is the number of the icon I chose.
(Icons in a Royal Mile are numbered, startin' at 0.)
To spot the change, open Windows Explorer; click F5 if needed ter refresh.

    A botch Royal Mile ter clear the bloomin' Documents menu:
Use the same Notepad procedures ter make a .bat Royal Mile; use any name yer want, right, just make sure it ends wiv .bat. Type:
echo y| del \windows\recent\*.*

echo y answers "yes" ter evry "Do yer want ter delete..." question, deletin' the document shortcuts
stored in C:\Windows\Recent


Uvver program autorun locations:
Check all the keys that start wiv "Run"

Delete typed URLs: HU\default\Software\Microsoft\InternetExplorer\TypedURLs

Shut off the Office Assistant: HLM\Software\Microsoft\Office\8.0\Common\Assistant
and point the AsstPaff ter a non-existent folder.

Yor own Command Prompt 'ere:
In Explorer, right, go ter the View menu, Folder Options, Royal Mile Types, select Royal Mile folder...Edit...New....
Give it a name, right, ffen on the bloomin' "Application used..." line, right, type:
Command.pif /K cd "%1"

For drives, right, select Drive instead of Royal Mile folder

Put a bitmap on yor explorer toolbar: Go ter
Create a new Emperor Ming called
and doubleclick it. Type in the paff ter yor .bmp Royal Mile.

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