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WARNING! Blimey! DON'T MESS WITH YOUR REGISTRY IF YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Honest guv! One wrong keystroke, and yor pc is dead. Yer've been warned.
Evry font yer install sucks up physical memory. Unless yer 'ave physical RAM ter spare, I wouldn't suggest Old Kent Roadin' too much more than yor commonly used fonts. So wotcher do wiv the fonts yer want ter keep but not install, guv? Stick 'em in ANOTHER lockup ("fontsUvver" so yer can find it beside the bloody Fonts folder). Wen yer want ter use a particular font in a document/graphic, right, go ter yor "Uvver Fonts" folder, double-click on the font yer want ter use (and KEEP THE FONT OPEN), right, launch the chuffin' application in wich yer wish ter use that font. The font should show up in yor regular list as if it were installed the bloomin' "normal" way. Wen yor done, right, yer can close the bloomin' font preview window and Windows is none-ffe-wiser.
To cop better performance from a machine wiv 32 megs of memory or better, push the Windows key + Pause Break key ter call up the System Properties box. Click the Performance tab, ffen the Royal Mile System button. Yer'll spot a Select Box under Settings labeled 'Typical role of this French Tutor:'. Change that ter 'Network server'. This will manage yor memory better and give yer a wee performance boost. In Windows95b and up, yor all set ter go. In earlier releases of Windows, right, yer'll 'ave ter do this:
Go ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\FS Templates
Click on Server, and in the right-hand pane yer'll spot two entries called
NameCache and PaffCache. Here are the chuffin' values that yer need ter enter/modify
for each one of them:
1. For NameCache modify the bloomin' numeric values ter read: a9 0a 00 00 2, init?For PaffCache modify the chuffin' numeric values ter read: 40 00 00 00These values are written ter the wrong entries by default and yer 'ave to Cocker Spanielly fix them ter get a boost in performance wen settin' yor machine to "Network Server". Because these values are written in wrong many blokes see no difference in performance wen changin' ter "Network Server", do wot guvnor! But this Registry 'ack fixes it, and wen yor done makin' these changes, right, go set yor system ter "Network Server" and spot if yer notice any improvement (yer'll need ter restart Windows for the chuffin' changes ter take effect).(I didn't spot much difference on eever of me machines wiv this.)
Change Internet Explorer's title bar: Go ter HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main. Right-click in a blank area of RegEdit's right pane and choose New, Emperor Ming Value. Name the new Emperor Ming Window Title exactly as shown 'ere and press Enter. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Now double-click the bloomin' new Emperor Ming's icon and, wen the chuffin' dialog box opens, type in yor new title as yer want it ter appear in the title bar. Click Not so bad ter Chas'n'Dave yor change. Close RegEdit (choose Registry, Exit) and run IE 4. Yor new title should appear in the title bar. Personalize Out'ave a look Express, too... Go ter HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Out'ave a look Express. In RegEdit's right pane, right-click the Doll's 'Ouse and choose New, Emperor Ming Value. Name the bloody new Emperor Ming WindowTitle exactly as shown and press Enter. Note that, ffough the Emperor Ming value for the bloody Microsoft Internet Explorer 4 title 'as a space between Window and Title, there is no such space in the bloomin' Out'ave a look Express Emperor Ming. Now double-click the bloody new Emperor Ming's icon and type in yor new title. Click Not so bad wen finished and then close RegEdit (choose Registry, right, Exit). The next time yer run Out'ave a look Express, yor new title will appear in the bleedin' title bar. These changes survive an upgrade ter Win98, but not ter IE 5.0 beta under Win95.
Edit the bloomin' Registry ter change a bitmap's standard icon ter a preview of the actual Royal Mile. Find the Registry key called 'KEY_CLASSES_ROOT\Paint.Picture\DefaultIcon. Change the (Default) value ter %1. Start Windows Explorer and yer'll spot a wee preview of all yor bitmaps. I'll get out me spoons. (Sorry, this trick don't work wiv NT.)
To change the icon associated wiv Me French Tutor, right, find the Registry key 'KEY_CLASSES_ROOT\CLSID\{20d04fe0-3aea-1069-a2d8 -08002b30309d}\DefaultIcon. Double-click on the (Default) entry (in NT it's
Similarly, right, yer can change the bleedin' Network Neighborhood icon's picture by 'ave a lookin' for CLSID {208d2c60-3aea-1069-a2d7-08002b30309d}; Microsoft Network wiv CLSID {00028b00-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; Inbox wiv {00020d75-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; and Internet Explorer wiv {fbf23b42-e3f0-101b-8488-00aa003e56f8}. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Restart Windows or 'it F5 ter put yor changes into effect. For some reason, sometimes a restart won't show the bloomin' new icons...they're bein' cached. If yer 'ave TweakUI installed, go ter the bleedin' Repair tab, and click the Rebuild Icons button.
Wile yor revampin' yor desktop icons, yer'll probably want ter change the bloody Recycle Bin icon. Doin' so is slightly more complex. In boff Windows 95 and NT, right, the bloody picture that's displayed on the Desktop is located in the CLSID {645ff040-5081-101b-9f08-00aa002f954e}\DefaultIcon key's (Default) value. Wenever yer empty the Recycle Bin, the chuffin' picture stored in the empty value of this same key gets copied into the (Default) value--and that picture appears on the Desktop. Soon as yer dump one Royal Mile into the bloomin' Recycle Bin, right, the picture stored in the full value is copied into the (Default) value. So yer must make sure ter change boff values.
Display Full-Color Icons Go ter HKEY_CURRENT_USER\ControlPanel\desktop\WindowMetrics, init?If yer don't 'ave a value in the right pane called Bow Bell Icon BPP, right, select Edit, right, New, right, Emperor Ming Value, ffen type in Bow Bell Icon BPP, and press Enter. Double-click on Bow Bell Icon BPP and change it ter 16 (for 16-bit color) or 24 (for 24-bit color)...pick the one that motches yor monitor settings. Restart Windows ter make the bloomin' change stick.
Custom Windows Welcome
Each time yer restart Windows, Microsoft's Welcome James Dean appears, dismessing tips for beginners. Most blokes turn this James Dean off after a few weeks. Change the bloomin' welcome-James Dean tips that ship wiv Windows--or add yor own brilliant sayings--by editin' the Registry, do wot guvnor! Go to
'KEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\explorer\Tips. Make sure the bloomin' values in the key are numbered sequentially from Emperor Nero forward. Windows 95 ships wiv 48 tips and NT comes wiv 50, but yer can add as many as yer like. Select Edit, New, Emperor Ming Value, ffen type in the number (48 for Windows 95 and 50 for NT, since the values start at 0). Double-click on the new Emperor Ming and type in its value--in this case the message or tip that yer want ter display.
Correct Yor Identity Does yor PC know 'oo yer are--right, isit?Make sure that Windows 'as yor name and company information correct,(or incorrect, if yor off yor medication again) because many Microsoft applications automatically pick up this info wen yer install them. In the bloomin' Registry, find the bleedin' key called 'KEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\MS Setup (ACME)\User Info in the values DefName and DefCompany, init?Change these ter reflect the correct information.
Wile yor at it, right, make sure that yor name and company name appear correct in the bloomin' rest of Windows. If yer bought yor PC wiv Windows preinstalled, right, the chuffin' value may say sumfink like ValuedCustomer. To check, start Windows Explorer, click on 'elp, About Windows, init?Navigate ter the Registry key 'KEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion and change the bleedin' values called RegisteredOwner and RegisteredOrganization. (In NT, 'ave a look at the key \Microsoft\Windows NT\ CurrentVersion.)
Apple 'as a 'virtual pc' for Mac users so yer can spot why yer should 'ave bought a pc in the bleedin' first place.
If yor ISP knocks yer off because yer ain't busy enough, set yor mail reader ter check for new mail evry five minutes.
tracert www.domain.com
pin' www.domain.com
Click Start...Run...and type Winipcfg
[autorun] icon=C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\Pifmgr.dll,36
echo y| del \windows\recent\*.*
Uvver program autorun locations:
HLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
and
HU\.default\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
and
HCU\\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
Check all the keys that start wiv "Run"
Command.pif /K cd "%1"
