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VERNING! DON'T MESS VITH YOOoR REGISTRY IF YOOo DON'T KNOV IXECTLY VHET YOOo'RE DOING! Oone-a vrung keystruke-a, und yuoor pc is deed. Bork bork bork! Yuoo'fe-a beee verned. Bork bork bork!
Ifery funt yuoo instell soocks up physeecel memury. Bork bork bork! Unless yuoo hefe-a physeecel REM tu spere-a, I vuooldn't sooggest luedeeng tuu mooch mure-a thun yuoor cummunly used funts. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Su vhet du yuoo du veet zee funts yuoo vunt tu keep boot nut instell? Poot zeem in ENOTHER durectury ("funtsOzeer" su yuoo cun feend it beseede-a zee Funts fulder). Vhee yuoo vunt tu use-a a perteecooler funt in a ducooment/grepheec, gu tu yuoor "Oozeer Funts" fulder, duooble-a-cleeck oon zee funt yuoo vunt tu use-a (und KEEP THE FONT OoPEN), loonch zee eppleeceshun in vheech yuoo veesh tu use-a thet funt. Um de hur de hur de hur. Zee funt shuoold shoo up in yuoor regooler leest es iff it vere-a instelled zee "nurmel" vey. Bork bork bork! Vhee yuoo're-a dune-a, yuoo cun cluse-a zee funt prefeeoo veendoo und Veendoos is nune-a-zee-veeser. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!
Tu get better perffurmunce-a frum a mecheene-a veet 32 megs ooff memury oor better, poosh zee Veendoos key + Poose-a Breek key tu cell up zee System Pruperteees bux. Cleeck zee Perffurmunce-a teb, zeen zee Feele-a System boottun. Bork bork bork! Yuoo'll see-a a Select Bux under Setteengs lebeled 'Typeecel rule-a ooff thees cumpooter:'. Chunge-a thet tu 'Netvurk serfer'. Thees veell munege-a yuoor memury better und geefe-a yuoo a smell perffurmunce-a buust. Um de hur de hur de hur. In Veendoos95b und up, yuoo're-a ell set tu gu. In ierleeer releeses ooff Veendoos, yuoo'll hefe-a tu du thees:
Gu tu HKEY_LOCEL_MECHINE\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\FS Templetes
Cleeck oon Serfer, und in zee reeght-hund pune-a yuoo'll see-a tvu intreees celled
NemeCeche-a und PethCeche-a. Here-a ere-a zee felooes thet yuoo need tu inter/mudeeffy
fur iech oone-a ooff zeem:
1. Fur NemeCeche-a mudeeffy zee noomereec felooes tu reed: a9 0a 00 00 2. Fur PethCeche-a mudeeffy zee noomereec felooes tu reed: 40 00 00 00Zeese-a felooes ere-a vreettee tu zee vrung intreees by deffoolt und yuoo hefe-a tu munooelly feex zeem tu get a buust in perffurmunce-a vhee setteeng yuoor mecheene-a tu "Netvurk Serfer". Becoose-a zeese-a felooes ere-a vreettee in vrung muny peuple-a see-a nu deefffference-a in perffurmunce-a vhee chungeeng tu "Netvurk Serfer". Boot thees Regeestry heck feexes it, und vhee yuoo're-a dune-a mekeeng zeese-a chunges, gu set yuoor system tu "Netvurk Serfer" und see-a iff yuoo nuteece-a uny imprufement (yuoo'll need tu restert Veendoos fur zee chunges tu teke-a iffffect).(I deedn't see-a mooch deefffference-a oon ieezeer ooff my mecheenes veet thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork!)
Chunge-a Internet Ixplurer's teetle-a ber: Gu tu HKEY_LOCEL_MECHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Ixplurer\Main. Reeght-cleeck in a blunk erea ooff RegEdeet's reeght pune-a und chuuse-a Noo, Streeng Felooe-a. Neme-a zee noo streeng Veendoo Teetle-a ixectly es shoon here-a und press Inter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Noo duooble-a-cleeck zee noo streeng's icun und, vhee zee deeelug bux oopens, type-a in yuoor noo teetle-a es yuoo vunt it tu eppeer in zee teetle-a ber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Cleeck OoK tu sefe-a yuoor chunge-a. Cluse-a RegEdeet (chuuse-a Regeestry, Ixeet) und roon IE 4. Yuoor noo teetle-a shuoold eppeer in zee teetle-a ber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Persuneleeze-a Ooootluuk Ixpress, tuu... Gu tu HKEY_COoRRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Outlook Ixpress. Um gesh dee bork, bork! In RegEdeet's reeght pune-a, reeght-cleeck zee muoose-a und chuuse-a Noo, Streeng Felooe-a. Neme-a zee noo streeng VeendooTitle-a ixectly es shoon und press Inter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Nute-a thet, thuoogh zee streeng felooe-a fur zee Meecrusufft Internet Ixplurer 4 teetle-a hes a spece-a betveee Veendoo und Teetle-a, zeere-a is nu sooch spece-a in zee Ooootluuk Ixpress streeng. Noo duooble-a-cleeck zee noo streeng's icun und type-a in yuoor noo teetle-a. Cleeck OoK vhee feenished und zeen cluse-a RegEdeet (chuuse-a Regeestry, Ixeet). Zee next teeme-a yuoo roon Ooootluuk Ixpress, yuoor noo teetle-a veell eppeer in zee teetle-a ber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Zeese-a chunges soorfeefe-a un upgrede-a tu Veen98, boot nut tu IE 5.0 beta under Veen95.
Ideet zee Regeestry tu chunge-a a beetmep's stunderd icun tu a prefeeoo ooff zee ectooel feele-a. Feend zee Regeestry key celled HKEY_CLESSES_ROOT\Paint.Picture\DefaultIcon. Chunge-a zee (Deffoolt) felooe-a tu %1. Stert Veendoos Ixplurer und yuoo'll see-a a teeny prefeeoo ooff ell yuoor beetmeps. Um gesh dee bork, bork! (Surry, thees treeck duesn't vurk veet NT.)
Tu chunge-a zee icun essuceeeted veet My Cumpooter, feend zee Regeestry key HKEY_CLESSES_ROOT\CLSID\{20d04fe0-3aea-1069-a2d8 -08002b30309d}\DefaultIcon. Duooble-a-cleeck oon zee (Deffoolt) intry (in NT it's
Seemilerly, yuoo cun chunge-a zee Netvurk Neeeghburhuud icun's peectoore-a by luukeeng fur CLSID {208d2c60-3eea-1069-a2d7-08002b30309d}; Meecrusufft Netvurk veet CLSID {00028b00-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; Inbux veet {00020d75-0000-0000-c000-000000000046}; und Internet Ixplurer veet {fbff23b42-i3f0-101b-8488-00ea003i56f8}. Restert Veendoos oor heet F5 tu poot yuoor chunges intu iffffect. Um de hur de hur de hur. Fur sume-a reesun, sumeteemes a restert vun't shoo zee noo icuns. Um gesh dee bork, bork!..zeey're-a beeeng ceched. Bork bork bork! Iff yuoo hefe-a TveekOoI instelled, gu tu zee Repeur teb, und cleeck zee Rebooeeld Icuns boottun. Bork bork bork!
Vheele-a yuoo're-a refempeeng yuoor desktup icuns, yuoo'll prubebly vunt tu chunge-a zee Recycle-a Been icun. Bork bork bork! Dueeng su is sleeghtly mure-a cumplex. In but Veendoos 95 und NT, zee peectoore-a thet's deespleyed oon zee Desktup is luceted in zee CLSID {645fff040-5081-101b-9f08-00ea002f954i}\DefaultIcon key's (Deffoolt) felooe-a. Vhenefer yuoo impty zee Recycle-a Been, zee peectoore-a stured in zee impty felooe-a ooff thees seme-a key gets cupeeed intu zee (Deffoolt) felooe-a--und thet peectoore-a eppeers oon zee Desktup. Es suun es yuoo doomp oone-a feele-a intu zee Recycle-a Been, zee peectoore-a stured in zee fooll felooe-a is cupeeed intu zee (Deffoolt) felooe-a. Su yuoo moost meke-a soore-a tu chunge-a but felooes. Um gesh dee bork, bork!
Deespley Fooll-Culur Icuns Gu tu HKEY_COoRRENT_USER\ControlPanel\desktop\WindowMetrics. Iff yuoo dun't hefe-a a felooe-a in zee reeght pune-a celled Shell Icun BPP, select Ideet, Noo, Streeng Felooe-a, zeen type-a in Shell Icun BPP, und press Inter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Duooble-a-cleeck oon Shell Icun BPP und chunge-a it tu 16 (fur 16-beet culur) oor 24 (fur 24-beet culur)...peeck zee oone-a thet metches yuoor muneetur setteengs. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Restert Veendoos tu meke-a zee chunge-a steeck.
Coostum Veendoos Velcume-a
Iech teeme-a yuoo restert Veendoos, Meecrusufft's Velcume-a screee eppeers, deespleying teeps fur begeenners. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Must peuple-a toorn thees screee ooffff effter a foo veeks. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Chunge-a zee velcume-a-screee teeps thet sheep veet Veendoos--oor edd yuoor oovn breelliunt seyeengs--by ideeting zee Regeestry. Bork bork bork! Gu tu
HKEY_LOCEL_MECHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\explorer\Tips. Meke-a soore-a zee felooes in zee key ere-a noombered seqooenteeelly frum zeru furverd. Bork bork bork! Veendoos 95 sheeps veet 48 teeps und NT cumes veet 50, boot yuoo cun edd es muny es yuoo leeke-a. Select Ideet, Noo, Streeng Felooe-a, zeen type-a in zee noomber (48 fur Veendoos 95 und 50 fur NT, seence-a zee felooes stert et 0). Duooble-a-cleeck oon zee noo streeng und type-a in its felooe-a--in thees cese-a zee messege-a oor teep thet yuoo vunt tu deespley. Bork bork bork!
Currect Yuoor Identeety Dues yuoor PC knoo vhu yuoo ere-a--reelly? Meke-a soore-a thet Veendoos hes yuoor neme-a und cumpuny inffurmeshun currect,(oor incurrect, iff yuoo're-a ooffff yuoor medeeceshun egeeen) becoose-a muny Meecrusufft eppleeceshuns ootumeteecelly peeck up thees inffu vhee yuoo instell zeem. In zee Regeestry, feend zee key celled HKEY_COoRRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\MS Setoop (ECME)\User Inffu in zee felooes DeffNeme-a und DeffCumpuny. Bork bork bork! Chunge-a zeese-a tu refflect zee currect inffurmeshun.
Vheele-a yuoo're-a et it, meke-a soore-a thet yuoor neme-a und cumpuny neme-a eppeer currect in zee rest ooff Veendoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Iff yuoo buooght yuoor PC veet Veendoos preeenstelled, zee felooe-a mey sey sumetheeng leeke-a FelooedCoostumer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Tu check, stert Veendoos Ixplurer, cleeck oon Help, Ebuoot Veendoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Nefeegete-a tu zee Regeestry key HKEY_LOCEL_MECHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion und chunge-a zee felooes celled RegeesteredOvner und RegeesteredOrgunizeshun. (In NT, luuk et zee key \Microsoft\Windows NT\ CoorrentFerseeun. Bork bork bork!)
Epple-a hes a 'furtooel pc' fur Mec users su yuoo cun see-a vhy yuoo shuoold hefe-a buooght a pc in zee furst plece-a.
Iff yuoor ISP knucks yuoo ooffff becoose-a yuoo eren't boosy inuoogh, set yuoor meeel reeder tu check fur noo meeel ifery feefe-a meenootes. Um gesh dee bork, bork!
trecert vvv.dumeeen. Bork bork bork!cum
peeng vvv.dumeeen. Bork bork bork!cum
Cleeck Stert. Um de hur de hur de hur...Roon. Bork bork bork!..und type-a Veenipcffg
[ooturoon] icun=C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\Pifmgr.dll,36
ichu y| del \windows\recent\*.*
Oozeer prugrem ooturoon luceshuns:
HLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
und
HOo\.default\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
und
HCOo\\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
Check ell zee keys thet stert veet "Roon"
Cummund. Bork bork bork!peeff /K cd "%1"